What I Wish I Knew a Year Ago About Open Relationships

They Are Totally Healthy

I think that one of the biggest and most prominent lessons that I have learned in my research is that they are incredibly healthy. Every kind of relationship will always have people who don't work out, but for most people in them, it works out. Growing up, you get fed this stigma about relationships. There are good people in loving and committed relationships, and then there are the other people. The other relationships often get characterized as an act of social deviance or as some broken and inappropriate obsession between two people. If there is anything that I've learned while looking into those who live this lifestyle, it's that a lot of them are very loving, caring, and happy. It's simply the way that they live their life and they like it that way.

They Involve Open Communication

Something that was of interest to me and my writer's brain was the fact that so much communication goes into these relationships. It isn't simply a couple of people coming together to be together without actually being together. In reality, it is grown adults talking about what they want out of their relationships, emotionally, mentally, and sexually, and then building a strategy to make it possible. A lot of talk goes into how these things play out. Since communication is a crucial basis for any relationship, it explains why so many people are wholly comfortable in their open relationships.

There Are Rules and Standards

Growing up and hearing about open relationships, I definitely had some preconceived notions about what that looked like. For me, a lot of it was fed from kids that I knew when I was younger, and I wasn't mature enough to really consider the fact that for teenagers and college students, sex is a pretty big basis for most things. So, I just kinda assumed that it meant you were in a relationship but had sex with other people. Kind of like sanctioned Cheating. Now, I realize that a huge part of the communication within these relationships is about rules and guidelines. It isn't simply an "I want to be with XYZ" now. It is a topic of discussion to decide what both parties are comfortable with. Valerie Fischel does a great job fielding questions about her relationship and even details out the rules in place here.

Every Relationship Is Different

This kind of piggybacks on the rules and standards category, but it was an eye-opener for me. We all know that every relationship is different. That's just a simple fact whether you're gay, straight, bi, or any other variation of human-loving-human. What is most interesting to me here is that not all open relationships look the same. Some couples discuss every partner. Some couples have a preconceived set of guidelines that they operate with that offers them more freedom to act quickly. Some couples share partners, while others date and hook-up with people completely away from their partner. There are so many different ways to go about this. It's all about boundaries, communication, and understanding.

People Enjoy Them

There's this common belief system among a lot of monogamous folks that the people in these relationships can't be happy, that something must be wrong. The human urge to find fault in anything outside of the norm is a discussion for another day, but I think the most important takeaway here is that the people in open relationships tend to be happy. Sure, not all relationships work out, but generally, these couples split for the same relationship reasons that anyone else does, not because of problematic jealousy or crushing insecurity.

It Can Be Incredibly Supportive

One of the more beautiful things that I've learned about open relationships is that it really opens people up to having all of their needs met. So many people struggle with their relationships because something important to them isn't understood or is frequently overlooked. With an open relationship, people are able to find different people to suit their different needs. Your partner might be a person you bond with over one passion, while your others might connect with you in a totally different space. It makes it, so you don't have to pick and choose which of your needs get met. You can find things that you love and that are important to you in different people.

It Can Be Really Healthy Sexually

The healthiness of a sexual situation is always dependent upon the people involved and what they bring to the table. It's a matter of communication, comfort, understanding, intimacy, and fun. Even though society has long-since painted open relationships as corrupt and sexually inappropriate, from what I can tell, a lot of open relationships are healthy sexually. People are able to stay in their comfort zone, explore their needs, and find a way to be more open and confident about what they want.

It's Not Just A Sex Thing

Something that seems to be frequently overlooked by a lot of people when open relationships come up is that it isn't just a sex thing. So many people think that being in an open relationship just means going out and having whoever you want whenever you want. Though that can be true for some people, sex isn't always the focus. A lot of the time, people in open relationships actually date other people. It isn't just a focus on hookup culture. It's dinner dates and time spent bonding over interests. It's simply bonding with more than one person.

Yes, They're Still A Real Relationship

When open relationships come up, people tend to focus on the notion that it isn't a real relationship. People who are used to monogamy tend to be absolutely baffled by the idea of sharing their partner with someone else, and that's fine. It is your right to live your life in a way that demonstrates the fact that you only want one person in it. It is also their right to open theirs up and be comfortable with it. The fact that open relationships have different rules doesn't mean that they aren't relationships. These are people who are in a relationship that is loving and caring just like yours. The only difference is they also have other bonds too.

No, It Isn't Cheating

In the world of monogamy, when your partner hooks up with someone else, we have a word for it: Cheating. Many people think that open relationships are approved cheating, but that simply isn't true. Cheating is a breach of trust. It is breaking an agreement that is in place. People in open relationships can cheat by breaking the rules and standards that they agreed to with their partner. However, being with other people is often detailed out as completely acceptable. It isn't cheating if the two partners agreed that it was okay.

Society Is A Little Uptight

Any time that you look into a lifestyle that is beyond the norm, it is easy to see that society can be rigid. Though we should all have beliefs on a situation where someone is being actively harmed, the fact is that different-than-you does not mean dangerous. When it comes to consensual adult relationships built on love and respect, we just don't need to question it. It might be different. It might not be for you. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter. Let people live.

Many People Learn About Themselves This Way

As a society, we are pretty obsessed with exploration. This is why we obsessively watch movies about characters growing in themselves, in their bonds with others, and in their sexuality. From what I can tell, people in open relationships tend to learn a lot about themselves because they just have a wider perspective. Being in an open relationship doesn't imply promiscuity despite what people believe, but it does offer a more expedited approach to relationships in a lot of ways simply because they have the option to be with more than one person at a time. New people bring new experiences. It's a way to learn what you need in a partner, what turns you on in bed, and even what you value about people.

Conclusion

We all deserve to be loved, cherished, and fulfilled. Every single person has a different image of what that looks like. Mine personally involves a lot of media and debates, but yours might involve romantic dinners or walks by the beach. Everyone is entitled to be in a relationship that they feel good about as long as it's safe and healthy. Whether that involves you with another person, you with two other people, you with a person but with someone else as well, it doesn't matter. What matters is that we all treat each other with respect, care for each other, and build bonds. Everything else is just the many different faces of the same thing.